as the curtain falls we bid you all goodnight

Paige, the first part of this post is directed to you. I am sorry you find me to be such a problem. I actually can't remember why we fight. I know that I used to be against you and Chris being together, but I have in actually fact not said a bad word about you for a long time. I just want to be friends with Chris and not get any shit.

Is that possible?

Secondly, Lilly, cos I guess you will read this when its posted cos it won't be deleted by then, if it is i will email you... I guess I just wanna be your friend... I think I can help, if you just email me again, maybe we can talk about it all.

Hmm... anyway. I miss my girl. I can't wait to see her again.

Feeling musical... maybe i'll go play guitar... Already got a chord progression :P

I'll set my heart on fire
Cos I know it would be better than burning for you,
you'll only expose me for the liar I am... 
I am anxious and bleeding
I cant fight anymore
I'm broken and beaten and lying

Don't hate me cos I am beautiful
Hate me cos I'm a disgrace
to this name
to your heart
to you life

Current Music: It Was Fear Of Myself That Made Me Odd- Alexisonfire

Dressed to kill, you look so right
I am drunk with lust tonight
Your wounds are opening wide
And they might be just my size

Now I'm afraid of open water
But I often bathe in sin
Let's be honest, you know you shouldn't bother
Because with me, it's impossible to win

Dressed to kill, you look so right
I am drunk with lust tonight
Your wounds are opening wide
And they might be just...

There was always
Warmth between us
There was always
Warmth between us

Dressed to kill, you look so right
I am drunk with lust tonight
Your wounds are opening wide
And they might be just my size

Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: Side Walk When She Walks- Alexisonfire

To un-explain the unforgivable,
Drain all the blood and give the kids a show.
By streetlight this dark night,
A séance down below.
There're things that I have done,
You never should ever know!

And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.

Who walks among the famous living dead,
Drowns all the boys and girls inside your bed.
And if you could talk to me,
Tell me if it's so,
That all the good girls go to heaven.
Well, heaven knows

That without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.

Can you hear me cry out to you?
Words I thought I'd choke on figure out.
I'm really not so with you anymore.
I'm just a ghost,
So I can't hurt you anymore,
So I can't hurt you anymore.

And now, you wanna see how far down I can sink?
Let me go, fuck!
So, you can, well now so, you can
I'm so far away from you.
Well now so, you can.

And without you is how I disappear,
And without you is how I disappear,
Whoa whoa... (And without you is how I disappear)
Whoa whoa... (And without you... is how, is how, is how...)
Forever, forever now! 

Well, people, especially Hayden. I finally did it. Hayden will understand what I wrote. I hope it's what you expected. I might change it around a little if I ever plan to make it a full song. Sorry, Haydes, I didn't put much time into it, about 3 mins, but, I did it either way.

I dived through the waves and into the water

Bathing in the light that I love

You were standing there as I fought the dark

And as our world decayed away

I will come and I will find you I swear

Nothing will keep you from me

And the light in my heart will help me find

My friends buried within

Don't run from this, I know you're here with me

Don't let the night take you in

This was your plan to leave, and look where it got us

Looking at this door

I will come and I will find you I swear

Nothing will keep you from me

And the light in my heart will help me find

My friends buried within

But I don't blame you

My friend I couldn't blame you

You taught me how I can escape

I won't leave without you now

I will come and I will find you I swear

Nothing will keep you from me

And the light in my heart will help me find

My friends buried within

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Miami- TBS

Things seem to catch up on you at the most inoppurtune moments for me. Oh well, exams will come and go, and I will study, leaving almost no time for any other person in my life at the moment, so I don't know why I am complaining. I guess I just never really let myself get over some stuff. Kim, I'm sorry, for a lot I guess, Hayden, sorry you have to put up with me:P, Lilly, sorry. Bring on alcoholism!!!

This buildings tall, I'm sure we'll wake up dead
BUT I STILL LOVE HER!!!!
Say goodbye, Say goodbye

Hey, say hello to my bleak mind.

I'm happy, more than I have been in a long time. Due mostly to one person. Thankyou, I love you.

I feel like something bad is gonna happen though and someones gonna get hurt. I'm sorry if this scares people.

Have a good day, I'm sure you will.

Love, Davey.

Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Anthem of our dying day

I got my P plates.

I do miss my old friends.

I'm waiting for you to call me and tell me you don't hate me, but I doubt that it will happen.

I know I hurt you, I know you hurt me.

I wanna forget it, but you I won't let myself.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Hawthorne Heights

So people know, I'm planning to post two songs here soon, just so i can get some feedback.

Secondly, sorry to people I pissed off.

Love you all

Love you Kim!(Thats the only time I will post a specific I love you so don't get used to it

Current Location: Bed
Current Mood: Happy
Current Music: This Celluloid Dream

Can't people just except that I'm happy. I regret how I went about this, which is bad, because I try to have no regrets. But, the fact remains I am happy with Kim, and I have loved her dearly longer than I have known most of you.

Why can I not escape you?
Why can't I just leave this?

*sings* I can not leave here, I cannot stay. Forever Haunted more than afraid. Asphixiate on words I would say.

I wish you knew that I love you
I wish you all did.
I wish I could help you.
I know that I live in a shadow that I can't escape.

*Breaking News*

I know I'm probably ruining my life, thanks for telling me. I doubt I'm an alcoholic just yet though, thank you MUM!
Sure, I have signs of alcoholism, in fact, I have every one. But, I don't need you prying into my life when for the past year all you did was yell behind closed doors.

Take a vote. Am I an alcoholic yet? Because I know I probably will be one day, but I doubt it's today.

I cannot leave here, until you let me.

I'm not leaving without you

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: a fire inside

ACT VI- HELEN’S SHADOW, PARIS’ JOURNEY AWAY
A long time had passed in Paris’ journey, and his world had collapsed beyond his own shadows. Past bonds were nothing and his world of Shadows meant nothing any more, destroyed as he drank his own poison, believing his own lies in the hope that he may one day find the moment he sought, beneath the arches with the one he wanted. This was his message and thought. How could such a message be passed though? It couldn’t. He only knew that when he looked in her eyes he still felt something, and he hoped to his god whom he knew had sent him to fail that he it was returned.
So in this new world where he thought he saw old friends he was not sure, but he knew his value was there, and he only hoped his pain would leave him.
It was with this pain he realized that Christ, the son of God, was there for him to realize not his father’s goal, but simply to torment Paris further. This pain was getting too much, and he remembered the words from the battles and songs they once sang together. “Pull the trigger and the nightmare stops.” But he was never sure of himself. Too much pain still to feel. Too much he enjoyed. He loved the hate he forced upon himself. This pain was more than he could ever wish, and too drown in it was even more.
It was the shadow that Helen had made that he enjoyed drowning in the most. She would join him there, slaughtered on the floor, shaking in their love and pain, celebrating this endless cycle which would go on and on and on and on… but some thing always gives, for the celebrated loss is always one which Paris took to his heart, so will we ever see this carried out. Paris could not see through the haze of his own depression marked among the graves.
So through this endless cemetery of mirrors he walked, until he found the mausoleum where there was an inscription, “To The End”. What could this cemetery mean as he turned to see the carved graves of Lotus and her lover.
So Paris decided, to this end we all must walk in the story. For we all know what is around the nightmare’s bend.

ACT VII- AN UNLIKELY TURN TO A STORY OF BELIEVING IN LONELINESS
I’m sorry my love to hurt you this way. I don’t understand how you could go. You passed in your sleep, you were peaceful until the end. I will write this for you because your life was worth nothing less than a dated manuscript, worthy of me killing you along with the sinners I absolve.
These lights remind me of you every now and again. I would watch them and think of you sleeping in you final tear, high above what you once hated and now longed for. I am lost.
Give me something to ease this pain. Give me anything.

ACT VIII- A JOURNAL OF THE THINGS WE HATE TO LOVE
Hold me and tell me you hate to be away from me, and then tell me we can’t be together. Your fire will consume us all, and I will be the unfaithful one, the one who won’t burn and will have all remaining. You really do hate me you just can’t see it.
That is what you will think as you leave your body knowing what I vomited was really my guilt for you. Could you kill me for yourself? Or would it always be for them. I doubt you could ever look at things the same way again, knowing I will kill you all. You may burn me, but I will kill you. And when all is said and done, I’ll burn away, because what’s the cat to do when the mouse is begging.

Current Location: ... Nowhere now
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: ... AFI

Name: David
Why you are taking this?: Seems fun, probably not though

Appearance
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[] I have a tattoo.
[x] I have/I've had braces.
[] I wear/need glasses.
[] I have more than 2 piercings.
[] I have/had piercings in places besides my ears.
[] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[x] I've sworn at my parents.
[x] I've run away from home.
[x will be soon] I've been kicked out of the house.
[] My biological parents are not together.
[]I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[] I've had children.
[] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[x] I'm in school.
[want] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[] I've stolen something from my job.
[] I've been fired.

Embarrassment
[] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[] Disney movies still make me cry.
[] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[x] I've had my pants rip in public

Health
[x] I was born with a disease or imparment
[x] I've gotten stitches.
[x]I've broken a bone.
[] I've had my tonsils removed.
[x] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.
[] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[x] I had a surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.

Traveling
[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[] I've been to Canada.
[] I've been to Mexico.
[] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[] I've been to Japan.
[] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[] I've been to Europe.
[] I've been to Africa.
[] I've been to the Eifel Tower

Experiences
[] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[x] I've been to a casino.
[] I've been skydiving.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.. one day!
[] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x] I've been in a car crash.
[] I've been Skiing
[] I've been in a play.
[] I've met someone in person from the internet.
[] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[] I've seen the Northern Lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[x] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[] I've eaten sushi
[] I've been snowboarding.

Honesty/Crime
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test/quiz.
[] I've run a red light.
[] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[x] I regularly/often/sometimes drink.
[x] I've passed out from drinking.
[x] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[x] I have gotten drunk with a friend
[x] I've smoked a cigarette before
[] I've smoked a cigarette before only once and dont still smoke
[] I've done hard drugs.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
Crying/Self Esteem
[I don’t think I have anything] I am/have been anorexic or bulimic.
[x] i've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I cut myself / I have cut myself before
[x] i've woken up crying.
[x] I have low self esteem.
[x] I sometimes hate myself
[] I cry more than twice a week
[x] I've cried myself to sleep before
[] I've tried to commit suicide
[x] I want somebody to slit my throat, right now
[x] I cry to some songs but still love the song.
Materialism
[] Own over 5 rap CDs.
[] I own an Ipod or MP3 player
[x] I have an unhealthy obsession with something
[] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[] I own something from Hot Topic.
[] I own something from Pac Sun.
[] I collect comic books.
[] own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay.
[] I own something from Abercrombie.

Random
[] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[] I don't kill bugs
[x- except can’t stop!] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly.
[x] I sing in the shower.
[x] I am a morning person.
[]I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[x] I'm a snob about grammar.
[] I am a sports fanatic.
[] I love being neat
[] I love Spam
[] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[x] I bake well.
[] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[] I would wear pajamas to school.
[] I like Martha Stewart.
[x] I know how to shoot a gun.
[] I am in love with love.
[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. only sometimes
[x]I laugh at my own jokes.
[] I eat fast food weekly.
[x]I believe in ghosts.
[] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate
[x] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[] I'm good at remembering faces.
[] I'm good at remembering names
[x]I'm good at remembering dates.
[but it wont happen]I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

[x-mostly] My answers are totally honest

Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: She Drove Me to Daytime Television-Funeral for a Friend

I hope
that I will never let you down


I hope people had a great holiday
I know I didn't
wasted by yourself was always the first sign of alcaholism.

haha the artist

the escape artist

Oh Joy

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Funeral for a Friend- Bullet Theory

someday we'll take this road, we won't look back
to see their faces
remembering the shock I got to see you...
splintered glass shines in the sunset
to wake us up before we fall asleep

so tie a yellow ribbon around your throat as you
wade in deeper for me dear
.....

Please comment on these things

http://s5.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=3W3J8ZLRNLW5Q3CI2LPLVXYMBJ

Current Mood: drunk

I'm not who people think I am. I am acctually everything people think I am. If you think I am an arsehole, that's what I am. How I act is not really me. That's exactly what I do... act. I doubt people will ever know me, but I also doubt that this will upset people as you've all formed an opinion already.


Kim- I hope your new endevour of escaping people finds you well. I'm sure if this fails you'll still have your friends behind you in the end. And I suppose I'll be there too.

Chris- I guess I'll always be there to play a bad guitar line behind your bass.

Lilly- Be happy, I know you will be.

Kate- YOU ARE SOOO COOL!

Jazmyn-I guess you'll always be there so I can taunt you about being soooo little.


I honestly don't know if I'll know you all for much longer. This isn't meant to sound harsh, but to be honest, I know not all of you will try to keep in touch. And once again I'm sure you'll decide whether that is a loss or not.

I don't know much. As I'm certain you all know, I am pretty bad at guessing what people are thinking or what they are talking about when being non-specific. I may have been played, I guess by peoples reactions I made mistakes. I hurt people, turned others away and have been an evil person. But I have secrets that others might want to know. I wonder if you could figure that one out. I hope you all get on with your lives and continue when I leave you like I never existed, because it doesn't seem like I have made a mark yet. I guess it may become known soon, or not.

Talk soon to you all, except Kim who feels it her sworn duty to avoid me at all costs, who I might talk to in the future.

Decisions, decisions.

Current Mood: hahahahahaha
Current Music: Mother, May I- Coheed and Cambria

A broad incision sits across the evening
The victim to our fathers lost war
The restless children sit and mourn the graves
Of those they've never seen before
Will they be buried here among the dead?
In the silent secret

The pioneers
In dealing with it they march for dawn, of Will and worthy
The truth be told the child was born
Man your own jackhammer
Man your battle stations
We'll have you dead pretty soon
And now
Sincerely written from my brother's blood machine
Man your battle stations
We'll have you home pretty soon
And now

Awake through motion with curiosity to curtain your first move
Over arms length they'll break protocol
Jealous envy for the youngest one
To be the hero is all I'll ask
Can I be buried here among the dead?
With room to honor me here in the end
You'll be better off too soon
You'll be better off when you get home

The pioneers
In dealing with it they march for dawn, of Will and worthy
The truth be told the child was born
Man your own jackhammer
Man your battle stations
We'll have you dead pretty soon
And now
Sincerely written from my brother's blood machine
Man your battle stations
We'll have you home pretty soon
And now

For you,
I'd do anything just to make you happy, hear you tell me that you’re proud of me
For them,
I'll kill anything cut the throats of babies for them break their hearts for they were them
Waiting for you to say: I love you too

The navigator
The pilot
Her favorite
The one they call the vision that bears the gift

The navigator
The pilot
Her favorite
The one they call the vision that bears the gift

Will,
Do the children really understand the things you did to them?
And why oh why…
Should they conjure up the will for you my love I would kill him
we're coming home pretty soon
Coming home

In the seventh turning hour
Will the victims shadow fall?
Should the irony grow hungry?
With the victory and all they sought for
We were one among the fence
One among the fence

We're coming home

Man your own jackhammer
Man your battle stations
We'll have you dead pretty soon
And now
Sincerely written from my brother's blood machine
Man your battle stations
We'll have you home pretty soon
tonight

Current Mood: down

*sarcastic*

I cannot believe some of my friends, you're all horrible. Kim, you decide that instead of coming over you'll do homework, and instead of that you go out for a few hours walk. And then, because of that, you ditch me for the second time in two days, and hayden can't come over cos he's at a friends house... I'm gonna cry. hahaha

I hope you're all having fun while I sit here, about to have lunch with my parents. I don't want to be here and I can't leave, and none of you will even join me in my pain.
haha
i hope you all have a good day, i'll see you all soon.

Current Mood: over cutting myself... again
Current Music: In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth:3- Coheed & Cambria

Hey all,
Got my jacket.
Back at school.
If we go down... wait, I'm going by myself.
Have fun all.
Work is fun, or a distraction from whats really going on.
Good either way.
goodnight. If you sleep.

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV- Album, Coheed & Cambria

I am very sorry to all those people (Kim, Lilly and Emma) who have been hoping I would update for a VERY long time. So much has happened to me recently, just because I haven't updated and it could all go in here. I have made new friends. I have found my little niche in life I think. I am happy with the friends I have and I would not want to lose any of you. (sorry for sounding rightious?!) I have finally lay byed my straight jacket. I am sure you will all love it as much as I do. In fact, I'll show you. I won't even put it in a cut cos some people don't look at them so here it is.

Dear God, please let me have done that right so it shows up.

I'll post again soon, just to make up for lost time.

Back to school
Back to school
To prove to dad
That I'm not a fool

hahahaha.

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Over the Head, Below the Knees- New Found Glory